What ’50 Shades’ Reveals about Your Marriage and WW Linkup!

I’m amazed at all the hype surrounding 50 Shades of Grey. Our country and probably the world is celebrating the release of this movie in more “shades” than I can count. I haven’t seen a lot of talk on the news or TV about the backlash this movie is creating, but I see it in the blogosphere.

So I thought I’d weigh in on this prickly issue and put my own odd spin on the discussion.

What if 50 Shades is really an example {albeit perverted} of what God wants and designed for our marriages?

Cue “Church Lady’s” iconic raised eye-brow . . . “Well, isn’t that special.”

Seriously, hear me out on this one . . .

First of all, I am in no way, shape or form promoting BDSM {bondage and discipline, sadomasochism and masochism}!

Just for the record . . . Ewww!

Women have come too far to be deceived by this repackaged form of sexual AND physical abuse. Yes! That’s exactly what 50 Shades is peddling, people!

But where I think 50 Shades reveals something worth noticing begins with a “room” full of mysteries that are intended to bond together two people who are experiencing exhilarating fear mixed with passion.

I’d like to compare this to a pursuit for the “scary good” in marriage.

I think God had this “scary good” idea in mind from the very beginning. I mean, think about it. Adam and Eve were placed naked in a garden surrounded by every delicious delicacy at their fingertips as well as every awesome sight to behold—including each other! Quite the intimate setting.

Fast-forward to that horrible/wonderful day when Christ hung on a tree for you and me to buy back the intimacy we had in the garden with each other and with Him. The moment He died, the “veil of the temple” was torn from top to bottom {an impossible feat for any human being, I might add}. “The veil” being torn gives us access to the “Holy of Holies”—ushering in a new and “boundless” level of intimacy with our Lord.

Compare the “playroom” that was revealed to “Anastasia” in the movie to this “holy room” where God’s presence resides. One room holds the promise of heightened ecstasy brought about primarily by fear—enduring horror, abuse and pain, then mingling them with euphoric hormones.

Let’s confuse the brain, the genitals and, while we’re at it, each other, why don’t we?!

The other holds the promise of mind-boggling Love that ushers you and your spouse into the sacred room of your hearts where He {Christ} dwells—so that you can see Him unveiling your most pleasurable sense of safety, euphoric intimacy and spine-tingling oneness in the arms of your spouse. That’s because . . .

[Tweet “True intimacy is born in the “Holy of Holies” in our marriages. “]

This is where our hearts and minds swim deep in the sweet waters of knowledge, acceptance and belonging—never confusion or pain!

Sure, the tearing of the veil separating the Holy of Holies from the rest of the temple is fundamentally a picture of God’s invitation for intimacy with Him. But true to Christ’s character . . .

[Tweet “Jesus always shares His sweet communion and union with us as well as uniquely through our marriages.”]

I’ll be unpacking next week what this “scary good” pursuit in marriage looks like and how to “open that door” next Wedded Wednesday! I hope you’ll come back by to be “enlightened.” 😉

What scares you most about going deeper in intimacy with your spouse?

What is your opinion of the 50 Shades movie? Like it or abhor it? {There really seems to be no in-between!}

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, So Much at Home and Wholehearted Wednesday.

Now it’s time for Wedded Wednesday …

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BethSteffaniak

February 10, 2015

Abuse, Bonding, Christ-Centered, Control, False Beliefs, Fear, Intimacy, Jesus’ Sacrifice, Love of God, Oneness, Pain, Sex & Sexuality, Trust, Vulnerability, Wedded Wednesday

50 Shades, Abuse, BDSM, Bondage, Intimacy, S & M, Sex, Sex & Sexuality, Trust

20 responses to “What ’50 Shades’ Reveals about Your Marriage and WW Linkup!”

Bonnie Way

February 10, 2015 at 9:35 pm

I haven’t read 50 Shades and I won’t be going to see it. I appreciated Shannon Ethridge’s perspective on the book last year (or two years ago?) in her book The Fantasy Fallacy, which addresses BDSM as well as porn, homosexuality, and other things. Other wise Christian bloggers like yourself have given me enough food for thought to stay well away from this stuff. 🙂 Thanks for sharing! 🙂

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  February 10, 2015 at 9:37 pm
  
  Hey there, Bonnie. Yes, I have been planning to do a book review and giveaway of Shannon’s book for about a year now! It got pushed to the back burner and you’ve just reminded me of it! Might be what I give away next week. And yes, I haven’t read the book or plan to see the movie either. What I share here about the movie is from Wikapedia and trailers that I’ve seen on TV. Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation!
  
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Aimee Imbeau

February 10, 2015 at 10:01 pm

What do I fear about going deeper in intimacy with my man? Nothing. He’s already seen the deepest, darkest part of me – and he stayed. He helped me through my healing and restoration. We have worked through so much over the years – mostly my fears. Years ago, I would have said something like “That he will find something ugly about me and run away.”
As for the movie…I will not be seeing it. I haven’t read the books, either. I think the whole context of both is a slap in the face to those who have survived abuse. It’s ‘ok’ – even embraced and adored on the pages of a book and now on the big screen, but throw in real life scenarios of such relationships and people are irate. We can’t have one and not the other.
BTW – Great post, Beth – an interesting perspective. I’ll be chewing on it for a while.

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Darby Dugger

February 10, 2015 at 10:39 pm

Loved this!

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Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

February 10, 2015 at 10:59 pm

First, “Fifty Shades” – it’s really not about empowerment of women, the exploration of different kinds of relationships, or even free speech. It’s primarily about making money through a connection with an “industry” that exploits, coerces, threatens and destroys women and children.

Both the movie and the book fit the definition of pornography, in that they contain sexual material designed to create arousal. pornography changes chemical set-points in the brain; what worked last week will be too tame this week.

There is therefore a demand for new bodies, and new levels of depravity. And this is the main gateway and use for trafficking in women and children as sexual slaves.

If this wasn’t enough, the S in BDSM is for Sadism…hurting someone else for one’s own sexual gratification. This is intolerable in any context, and the issue of “consent” is sidestepped in the film by the use of alcohol to deaden resistance.

Too, the M – masochism – falls into the area of rather a severe form of mental illness. It’s right u[ there with cutting.

Glamourizing this “lifestyle” should be offensive to anyone with a heart and a brain. It’s not only a Christian thing; it should galvanize people from all faiths, and agnostics and atheists as well.

I’ll wager that most of the people who were aghast at the use of torture to gain information from terrorists will happily watch this film, without seeing their own moral dichotomy.

This movie’s at heart about making money, pandering to some of the most depraved desires a human being can have.

The people who made it are smart enough to see the link to pornography, and the causal link to increased human trafficking. If I could I’d drive them all into bankruptcy for this contribution to our social landscape.

As for going deeper in intimacy…circumstances have reversed the process, and I’m on my way back to being the combat operator whose most intimate gesture – even with my wife – is a side-hug or a fistbump. Not where I wanted to be, but you can’t fa=ix everything, and I’m a bit too ill to worry about it now.

http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2015/02/can-fifty-shades-help-your-marriage.html

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What Joy Is Mine

February 11, 2015 at 12:39 am

Beth…like you, I have not read the book and the movie is not on my “to see” list. Good post today. Visiting from WholeHearted Home.

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Mary

February 11, 2015 at 4:29 am

Thank you for going here! I have not read the book or will I see the movie. My heart becomes so sad when I see that there is so much like 50 Shades of Grey that is accepted today. Your spin on it is much needed and I look forward to reading again next week to learn more about a”scary good” marriage. Thank you for wrapping me with your words and giving me a chance to step back and think more deeply. Hugs!

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Elizabeth

February 11, 2015 at 5:27 am

Thanks for your insightful post!
I don’t understand how Chrostians or feminists can endorse this movie! It is perverted and degrades women and the marriage bed! Oh how satan deceives!!
I’m very sad about the whole thing!

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God hates?

February 11, 2015 at 6:17 am

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Mary Flaherty

February 11, 2015 at 7:40 am

boy, we really ARE on the same wavelength these days, Beth. My blog post today is about being drawn into the Holy of Holies, into an intimate time of worship. I like this…great post!

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Gina Duke

February 11, 2015 at 9:48 am

Great post – sending it out my social media streams today. I’ve been talking about this movie for weeks and hopefully discouraging women from watching it. Here is what I am doing with some of the women at my church instead…http://ginaduke.com/2015/01/womens-ministry-wednesday-how-we-plan-to-counter-fifty-shades/

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Ngina Otiende

February 11, 2015 at 10:26 am

I am smack in the abhorence camp..but brokenhearted over the many women who believe the movie is harmless and “has something to teach”. Love your take on this Beth, I will be sharing it widely!

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JosephPote

February 11, 2015 at 12:03 pm

Well done, Beth!

Yes, God invites us to share intimacy with Him…not in pain, fear and confusion…but in safety, intimacy and oneness!

I love how you tied this to the rending of the temple veil…the invitation to enter the Holy of Holies!

Love it! …and looking forward to next week’s post…

Thanks for sharing!

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Julie V.

February 11, 2015 at 12:35 pm

Beth, this may sound a bit weird, but I don’t have a strong opinion about the book/movie 50 Shades. The truth is, I’ve heard it’s trash and so have avoided learning anything about it.
So, yeah, there’s something popular out there and I have heard it’s terrible, but I haven’t given it much thought. There’s a lot of terrible things out there and I do better not obsessing over each of them.
The idea of combing sex and violent abuse does sicken me.

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6 Ways to Stir Up Love in a Difficult Marriage | Being Confident of This

February 11, 2015 at 9:39 pm

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Nan

February 12, 2015 at 3:11 am

Frankly the whole appeal of this book is beyond me. What is also beyond me is the women who will read this book (because “I’m married, so it’s o.k.”) and enthusiastically look forward to the movie, and yet throw a fit if their husbands even looked at porn. Why do you think it’s o.k. for YOU to do it, ladies?

I have not read the book nor do I need to. I find it odd and funny when some people say that you can’t have an opinion if you haven’t read the book. I don’t have to put my hand in the fire to know that I will get burned. I don’t have to do drugs to know that they will mess with my body and my mind.

This book is porn for women. Period. Just because there are no visuals doesn’t make it any less o.k and any less porn. This book is counting on reaching a woman through her heart and her emotions.

Sadly, there are women out there who are enthusiastically calling this entertainment. So I would say to them: when a man exactly like Christian Grey shows up at your door to date your daughter are you o.k. with that? Can he date your best friend and abuse her all in the name of “romance?” Is that o.k?

Can your spouse beat you down physically and victimize you emotionally enough until you are willing to accept it, and will that make it o.k then? Will that mean you are not a victim? Because what is the next step after this book makes it all o.k. as long as it’s in the name of “romance?”

We have come to far, as women, to enthusiastically embrace the message of this movie: that violence against women is o.k. as long as it comes wrapped up in sex or “love” or “romance.”

Violence is NEVER o.k., no matter how you package it.

And at this point YOU say “Don’t hold back, Nan, tell us how you really feel!” 😉

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bluecottonmemory

February 12, 2015 at 10:34 pm

You handled this beautifully. I haven’t read the book or intend to see the movie – but I think the “world” degrades the intimate relationship between husband and wife that God created to be a holy, intimate thing. All things are designed to reflect God – including the marriage relationship.

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February 17, 2015 at 8:00 pm

[…] very interested in what she had to share!! If you missed her post, click on the graphic and read, What “50 Shades” Reveals About Your Marriage. Beth also has a link up party each week, so after you link up with me drop over to Messy […]

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Have a ‘Scary Good’ Marriage? And Linkup!

February 17, 2015 at 9:00 pm

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David

February 18, 2015 at 5:01 pm

Your writing is too fast! 😀

I didn’t read the book and I shouldn’t think I’ll be watching the film: (a) my wife would *definitely* not approve; (b) I’m very familiar with much stronger stuff anyway (secretly, obvs).

It really sounds like you watched the film. Did you?

I don’t think BDSM is especially interesting — I mean, I think the link with trauma and all the fuss over whether it’s healthy is a bit overblown. Plenty of people like a bit of slap with their tickle; plenty of people like a feeling of risk or danger; some people like a lot.

It is interesting that pornography is becoming mainstream, and it is especially interesting that BDSM imagery in particular is being mainstreamed. What stands out most to me about BDSM is the formality: the relationship between the two people is essentially contract-governed. I’d even go so far as to say that I think the formal aspect is more central to BDSM than the B the D the S or the M.

So, a BDSM relationship is a sexual relationship which, however “intense” it seems, is not an intimate or private relationship. It’s a public “performed” relationship — even if entirely behind closed doors — because a contract — even if only spoken in secret — is an objective external and in-principle public document.

I think what’s driving the promotion of BSDM is a fear of intimacy and a fear of privacy. (I don’t mean there’s a conspiracy, but there’s definitely something going on).

As I’m sure everybody knows deep down, and as you describe, that intimacy — and it is scary — is what we really want, and it’s the only thing that is really fruitful. I’m looking forward to reading more about “scary good”! 🙂

> What scares you most about going deeper in intimacy with your spouse?
My problem here is that, as there are certain things that there is no point going into (i.e., certain tastes), any “deeper intimacy” is going to be cautious and instrumental — in other words fake and not intimate at all. Bit of a conundrum.

Sorry for the long ramble!

David

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