It’s easy for me to sit here and give you tools and insights on how to communicate better with your spouse or have healthier expectations in marriage, but not really lay a solid foundation for you at all!

There was this one thing that I did years ago and, continually do even now, that has made the biggest difference in my marriage and life. It trumps all the tasks and attitudes that bring health and healing to our marriages!

What IS that one thing?

Actually it’s not a “thing.”

It’s my God—pursuing Him with my whole-heart for who He is—instead of looking to God to fix my marriage or my spouse.

It’s a subtle difference, but so very crucial!

What does pursuing God with my whole heart look like?

• It begins with dying to my own desires and agenda. That means in those crucial moments when I know the right thing to do, but I resist (Like I did yesterday! Yes, I’m still a work-in-progress!), that I don’t delay in my resistance! That I lay it down as soon as possible!
• It continues with the constant recognition of my sins—asking God to reveal them in my prayer times and all throughout my day.
• As God reveals more sins, then I immediately confess them to Him—committing to turn from them, and then (this is crucial too), admitting them to my mate! Uh-huh! You heard that right! 😉
• As I daily commit to turn from my sin, I don’t do it in my own strength but allow God to strengthen what is weak in me. And any good that I do, I recognize is His ability in and through me!
• And most of all, I look to God to be my Lover, my Comforter, my Rescuer, my Healer. I don’t passively know these truths about Him, but I actively meditate on them. I constantly turn to Him to whisper into my ear that He loves me and then I whisper that I love Him back. I imagine—because I know it is true—that He is holding me and surrounding me. I remind myself that He sings over me and delights in me.*

When I commit to these continual, daily, minute-by-minute acts of faith, I am encouraged and filled up by His love and grace. In fact, that kind of love and grace can’t be contained. It overflows onto my husband and then it meets a need in him that is only true and healing for him because it is from Christ.

I’m not saying that this is simple, easy or will change your marriage and outlook overnight. It is a lifetime commitment that is built with the blocks of faith in the harsh, human-being moments of life.

Thankfully, God doesn’t need us to be perfect at this. He redeems the mess when we blow it. And the amazing thing is . . . we grow and stretch in those pesky messes, if we return to trusting Him. And when we don’t blow it—when we truly trust and follow hard after Him—we have the added blessing of His strength and love shining through us and our weaknesses. How encouraging is that?!!

Bottom line –

[Tweet “Following hard after God is about pursuing God’s presence and not His presents!”]

In what ways have you looked to God to be your Marriage or Problem Fixer rather than the Lover of your soul?

What hinders you from turning to God and receiving His comfort and love in the midst of your painful circumstances or messy marriage?

*Click here for a list of some Bible verses that you can meditate on to remind you of these realities about God’s love for you.

Also, if you don’t know God personally or wonder if you do, then read my Know God page or check out another site here. And if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to correspond with me!

P.S. I’ll be sharing a specific tool for identifying the sins and faulty thinking that often takes over in marriage in two weeks, after next week’s guest post by Lori Hatcher, where we’ll be giving away her new book, Hungry for God, Starving for Time. I hope you’ll come back to check out both!

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, So Much at Home and Wholehearted Wednesday.

Now it’s time for Wedded Wednesday . . .

Find our other WW buttons and guidelines here.

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And don’t forget to include a link back here, because the easier people can find me, the more traffic I can send your way!

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