Getting Your Spouse to Open Up – Part Two (Video)

Today I’m talking about the second half of the process that will encourage your spouse to open up and engage with you in conversation. I feel like this should be a process that is built brick by brick—keeping each brick in place as the foundation of trust in your marriage is built, perhaps for the first time, or even rebuilt.

Openness

In the first of this two-part video series I gave the first three steps in this process (click here to read and watch Part 1). And in this video I give the following three, well … “and a half” steps to take in encouraging a mate to open up in marriage. So I hope you’ll click on the video below to watch, then come back to tell me what you thought in the comments! 😉

 

Here’s a Couple Conversation Guide to practice conversational skills and active/reflective listening.

Here’s a recap with the “Steps to Build Rapport and Conversation”  that you can download and follow as you encourage more conversation in your marriage.

 

What are some steps in this process that I laid out that are especially difficult for you, and why?

 

What is one step you’ve found to be especially helpful in your own life, and why?

 


Linking up with these fine blogs –  Making Your Home Sing, Moments of Hope, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Word of God Speak, Spiritual Sundays, Mama Shares Monday, Sitting Among Friends, Faith ‘n Friends, Fresh Market Friday and DanceWithJesusFriday

 

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Beth, this is real genius – such a good, solid plan! I particularly love these two points:

    – Apologizing for one’s own deficiencies in communication. It really makes it a team effort, and reminds me of the wonderful song by Casting Crowns, “Broken Together”. o you know it?

    – Delaying talk of ‘relationship issues’, to avoid even the hint of an agenda. As you make it so clear, the only agenda here i better communication.

    Being open on a personal level is hard for me, to a large degree because in my particular situation I have to be unbreakable – to and for myself. The fight against illness is so hard that I can’t leave a chink in my armour. I can lose ground I may never regain.

    But conversely, I’m a pretty good listener, though a big part of this comes from knowing interrogative techniques. You don’t get the best information under a bare light bulb and with the use of waterboarding; the most effective method is to make it safe and ultimately appealing for the subject to tell all. Perhaps it’s not the best way to come to relationship communication, but I’ll do my best with that which I have.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/12/your-dying-spouse-241-when-caregiver.html

    • Thank you, Andrew. You are so kind in your encouragement. But yes, those are two important points because it’s important to break down those barriers with a heart-felt apology and to wait until you sense that your spouse is ready for any kind of difficult conversation. I know that many will look at this lengthy and delayed process as too difficult. And if they don’t and they try it, I bet there will be those who won’t be able to stick with it. That’s why it’s best to have an accountability partner who can cheer you on when you lose track or get discouraged.

      I bet you are a good listener. I can tell that you are by the way you comment and write. You’re very insightful and that means you pay attention to the details–something every good listener must do. Thanks for stopping by, my friend! You are appreciated!

  • I always love these little videos, Beth. It’s almost as good as an in-person visit.

    Almost, but not quite!

    I appreciate what you said about the need for apologizing and asking forgiveness. And genuine affirmations are a real change of pace if we’ve been negative, demanding, or nagging.

    And Andrew also brings up a good point below about avoiding ‘even the hint of an agenda.’ That’s always a dead end … no one wants to be someone else’s project.

    So much wisdom flowing from your heart, friend …

  • Loved the video, Beth! Putting that agenda aside is such good advice. Just talking to talk is tough when often the conversations are about who is picking up who at what time and where. It’s all the daily to-do list stuff and not the more meaningful conversations. Thanks for always challenging me to be a better wife!
    Blessings and smiles,
    Lori