I’m grateful to have Steve Pare from Spouse Dates guest posting with us today! Steve has an incredible and much-needed vision to encourage couples to pursue their mates through dating. You’ll find practical resources like – testimonials from couples who’ve found dating to be crucial to their satisfaction, as well as, a free e-book, 75 Micro Dates over at his blog. Look for the link to Steve’s freebie below!

Dating your spouse like prayer? Yes. They are alike in at least three ways.

 

Three ways dating your spouse is like prayer . . .

1. Both are relational practices.

Prayer has to do with your relationship with God. Dating has to do with your relationship with your spouse. Both are about pursuing a relationship. Both practices demonstrate the pursuit of a deeper connection.

2. Each can take many different forms.

Prayer can be individual or corporate, spoken or silent, spontaneous or memorized, personal or a ritual, a single breath or a 40 day fast.

Dating can be free or costly, spontaneous or planned, exciting or routine, a big date, a small date or a Micro Date {freebie Beth was talking about!}.

3. We encounter the same problem with both.

We may initially think that by dating or praying we will automatically be led to a deeper and more loving relationship. But the pathway both these practices lead us on is not that easy.

Neither prayer nor dating will automatically lead to anything. The problem is that we inevitably encounter resistance.

A deeper look at the common problem . . .

With both dating and prayer, when our pursuit is challenged we are tempted to accept that the resistance is simply the way it is. Once we accept this, our pursuit slackens and our initiative slows.

We tend to settle for things the way they are instead of continuing to pursue the desire of our hearts. The chasm between what is and what should be is accepted and we conclude that the chasm cannot be crossed.

Discouragement settles in. We think things like: “I tried and it did not work.” “Things will never change.” “Prayer is useless.” “My marriage is what it is and there is no point in pursuing anything different.” “Why try since it will only lead to more disappointment.”

Two keys to overcome the problem of resistance (and get better at prayer and dating your spouse)

Two keys to improving both your dating and prayer practices are implied in what Jesus said in Matthew 7:7-8

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” {v. 7}.

Ask. Seek. Knock. These are intentional acts.

Key # 1 is to set your intention to pursue regardless of resistance.

What if you imagined prayer and dating as if they were a game of tag, and when you meet resistance you are “it”? It is your turn to “seek”.

Just because what you seek is not easily found does not mean you stop “seeking”. The object of your pursuit is a person who loves you and wants to be loved by you.

[Tweet “Set your intention to continue the pursuit of your spouse regardless of resistance.”]

“For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened” {v. 8}.

Key # 2 is to adjust your expectations to include resistance being overcome.

Feelings of disappointment, discouragement and disillusionment often have to do with our experience not matching our expectations.

Expect resistance and embrace its benefits.

“The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.” ~ Randy Pausch

Dating your spouse and prayer are both relational practices that encounter resistance, which when overcome expands our capacity to love and enjoy our relationship.

[Tweet “The object of your affection is worth the pursuit. “]

Press through the resistance.

Tag! You are it!

 

What are the benefits of pursuing your spouse even when and if they resist moving closer to you?

 

How has dating your spouse improved your marriage?

 

---

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, So Much at Home and Wholehearted Wednesday.

Now it’s time for Wedded Wednesday . . .

Find our other WW buttons and guidelines here.

<div align="center"><a href="http://www.messymarriage.com" title="Messy Marriage"><img src="http://i1129.photobucket.com/albums/m502/bethsteff/Messy%20Marriage%20Buttons/WeddedWednesday170.jpg" alt="Messy Marriage" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

And don’t forget to include a link back here, because the easier people can find me, the more traffic I can send your way!

// <![CDATA[
document.write('’);
// ]]>