Are you feeling like you’re tired of beating your head against a wall because your mate never changes?

Does your spouse continue to deny the glaring issues that you see in his or her character and choices?

Do you fear that if your mate doesn’t wake up soon your love and marriage may not survive?

Maybe you wanted to scoff at the “couple connection challenge” that I shared recently, because you feel it is useless and hurtful to try anymore with your spouse.

If those questions and descriptions fit you, then you’ve probably been trying for far too long to change your mate or calm the storm in your marriage, so that your marriage will improve or at least become less painful. But before you throw in the towel, consider going on a “Plank Hunt.”*

What do I mean by a “Plank Hunt?”

I’ll let Jesus’ words describe what I’m talking about …

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? … first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly …” ~Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV)

[Tweet “It’s easy and, sadly, quite enjoyable to go on “Speck Hunt” in marriage. “]

[Tweet “The real challenge is to go on a “Plank Hunt!” That’s the true game-changer in marriage.”]

Back in the spring and early summer, I did a series on how to create a “confessional culture” in marriage. This involves a commitment to be humble and vulnerable—freely admitting our sins and failures consistently in our marriages.

However, over time, I began to realize that people might not know how to identify the weak areas in their hearts and lives, as well as, some not being able to even see those weaknesses clearly without some level of denial or blindness blocking their view. This is especially true in marriages where the hurts run deep and/or the “ghosts” from painful childhoods still haunt the walking wounded.

I want to offer exercises and practical steps for overcoming that inability or even that lack of desire to “Plank Hunt.” So in the days and perhaps weeks to come, I will be unpacking how to gain greater self-awareness and clarity on your sins, weaknesses and character flaws—something we all can use in life and marriage.

If you take this journey it will not be an easy or comfortable one for you—and has never been necessarily “enjoyable” per se for me either. But I can tell you that once I’ve accepted the discomfort of the process, it has been so freeing and worth every bit of pain I’ve experienced in the examination and healing process.

It has enriched my life by deepening my relationship with God, my spouse, as well as, all of my other relationships.

*Additional Thought: I want to say that I realize there is a small percentage of you who have already done a “Plank Hunt” for quite some time, and it has not resulted in your marriage improving significantly. If that’s the case, then it probably means you must begin the process of confronting your mate and setting hard boundaries with the help of accountability and support like a counselor. I’ll eventually be dealing with this stage and step near the end of this series. So, in the meantime, I hope you’ll stick around because there’s always something we can learn and improve about ourselves when we go on a “Plank Hunt.”

[Tweet “Hi-ho-hi-ho, it’s off to “Plank Hunt” we go! #plankhunt”]

What has hindered your willingness to face your own character flaws in your marriage?

What have been some of the character flaws you’ve discovered while “Plank Hunting”?

I’m excited to have a post highlighted over at To Love, Honor and Vacuum, The Happiness Reality Check. I hope you’ll “check” it out! 😉

I hope you’ll come back next week, when I’ll be sharing some of the character flaws that I have discovered on many-a-“Plank Hunt” and which ones still pop up and block my view on a regular basis. 😉

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, A Little R & R Wednesdays, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, and Wholehearted Wednesday.

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