Victim Love Style in Marriage And FMTM Linkup

Here at Messy Marriage, I’ve talked about a “Victim Mentality” a lot over the years, but this isn’t necessarily what I’m talking about today. A victim mentality can develop in any person’s life regardless of their love style. A victim mentality is a fixation on a real or supposed victimizer in one’s life, feeling helpless […]

When Your ‘Love Style’ is a Pleaser And FMTM

Since I mentioned that my love style* is an “Avoider” in last week’s post, I got so much positive feedback, that I want to unpack another love style—the “Pleaser”—in today’s post. I’ll continue unpacking the rest of the “love styles”—“Vacillator,” “Controller,” and “Victim” in the weeks to come. So stick around! I am, by default, […]

Are You Pushing or Encouraging Your Mate Spiritually?

Most of you know that I’m a pastor’s wife, but that doesn’t mean I’m not guilty of pushing my hubby spiritually when it seems like he’s not pursuing God with the same intensity as I am. Of course, sometimes he feels that way about me too. 😉 We all go through seasons when our spiritual […]

How to Tell if it’s Peace OR Relief You’re Pursuing FMTM

One of the most important lessons I learned in marriage was figuring out the difference between peace and relief. They seem so similar—like kissing cousins. And in some ways they are related. But I’ve discovered in my 29 years of marriage that . . . When I pursue relief without pursuing God’s peace, I’m asking […]

Encourage Conversation with Disengaged Spouse FMTM

Even though my hubby’s more of an extrovert than I am, he still struggles to fully engage in a deep conversation with me. That’s because it’s easy for an extrovert to remain on the surface. Oh sure, they love to talk! They’re ever scanning a crowd for an opportunity to strike up a conversation, especially […]

Is Your Love for Your Mate Failing?

Persevering in life and in certain painful seasons of marriage can feel so very overwhelming and discouraging, especially when the pain lingers for an extended time. We can feel helpless and confused about what to do next. Even worse we can feel like we have nothing left to give, nor want to give—perhaps because we […]

4 Tempting Reasons We Fill the Gap And Linkup!

After reading some of the comments from my last post on the bad habit of “filling the gap” or assuming what we think our spouse or others feel/think, I realized that a “map” of sorts would be helpful (thanks to the insights from bloggers Patrick and Andrew). This map identifies some of the landmarks or […]

What I Learned from a Fight with My Hubby And Linkup

Toward the end of my month-long reorganizing, repairing and purging of my house in June, my husband and I had an argument. Mind you, it wasn’t related to the hard work that we were doing on the house. But it was a doozy of a misunderstanding on both our parts. I won’t go into all […]

My Failure to Control Myself And WW Linkup

I find it funny (or sad—you pick!) that, not only can I have trouble with being too controlling with my hubby, but I can go to the other extreme and not be controlling enough—of at least myself! My failure with control is contradictory! #whatsupwiththat? #controlfreak #outofcontrol Click To Tweet I’m continuing the series—“My Failures, God’s […]

The Toxic Tango of Triggers And WW Linkup

Today I’m continuing to unpack more in our series about the wounds of our pasts by sharing another one of my triggers, as well as how that impacts and often serves to trigger my husband in a certain way. I’m sharing this because … We most often experience our triggers in the closeness and confinement […]