Are You Your Husband’s Helper or Hindrance?

Sheila Kimball--Longings EndI’m excited to share a guest post from my sweet friend Sheila, who blogs over at Longings End. Sheila is a regular at our Wedded Wednesday linkup and today she’s hosting, so I can have a much-needed break! {Isn’t she sweet?!}

Sheila is the author of Heart Cry: 40 Reflections for a Woman’s Soul (2013) and has graciously offered to give away one copy of her new book! Check out the details below for more information on Sheila’s ministry, as well as how to enter our contest!

6 Tips for Helping Husband

Honestly, I {Sheila} have been both.

And years ago, was I ever good at being a hindrance!

Words, attitudes and actions conveyed utter disrespect, a lack of love and a desire to control. Much was lost.

It has been a long and rocky road but God is faithful and will do what it takes to help me become Christ-like and learn 1 Corinthians 13 love. He will help you, too.

Here are six tips I gained along my journey that can help you become the sweet gift God intends you to be for your husband.

1.  Love God most of all …

Seek to understand the heart of God. Study the scriptures. Find a Titus 2 woman who will mentor you in the disciplines of a godly wife. Let your relationship with God be the most important one in your life and as you seek to please and honor Him you will become truly lovely and a greatly appreciated helpmeet.

2.  Without ceasing …


Praying for your husband every single day is vital. Pray for his relationship with God, friendships, emotions, thought-life, physical health, how he handles money, his relationship with the children, his career, dreams, and fears. Pray about everything, asking God to favor and help your husband. Being on your knees for your man will benefit you and the whole family.

3.  R-E-S-P-E-C-T …


God designed men to crave respect. It’s their number one need, even more than sex. Showing your husband respect communicates love and trust. So watch your words, tone of voice, attitude, facial expressions and body language. Yet what governs all of the above is your heartfor out of it the mouth speaks. If your heart is rightly aligned with God then everything flows right from the fount of righteousness.

4.  No jackhammers allowed …


God gives a man a wife as a good gift. Her feminine perspective on life brings a new dimension to his outlook. When a wife has something she feels needs to be said that her husband may not immediately like to hear, she should pray first to be sure God wants her to speak. Given the go ahead, she shares the message once and then moves on continuing to pray. God will drill down deep the truth a husband needs. As wives refrain from becoming verbal jackhammers a husband’s heart can soften making it easier for him to receive the message.

5.  Blinders …


Husbands are visually oriented. While you don’t need to be drop-dead gorgeous with a model figure to please your man, you should respect him enough to take good care of your body and physical appearance. Stemming from a heart of love and respect, a wife will offer her best self to her husband, saving elements of her most visually alluring appearance for his eyes only.

6.  Behind closed doors…


Being your husband’s helpmeet includes being his playmate and sex is a beautiful gift that blesses partners in ways that only lovemaking canbringing you closer, making you happier, boosting immunity, clearing your head and tethering hearts in a delightful, mysterious bond. God tells married couples to come together often except for times of mutually agreed upon prayer or fasting “lest the enemy gain a toehold.” And who wants to let the “foxes spoil the vineyard” when a marriage can be hedged in love.

 

Sheila offers C2: Comfort and Conversation for Women and with her husband provides life coaching for men, women and married couples. Her most fervent passion is seeing hearts healed through the power of God’s love and believes that all our longings end in love.

To enter to the giveaway of Sheila’s book, answer one of the following questions below or simply share with Sheila what has blessed you today with her wisdom.

The deadline for entering is Friday, March 14th by noon (CST). The winner will be announced here, updated on this post, and contacted via email. Be sure to register with your email when commenting, so that if you win, we can find you and get you the book!

 

What other tips would you add to this list—ways you’ve found helpful to building your husband up?

 

Which one of the tips Sheila has offered is what you need to work on most in your marriage?

 

Congrats to Shannon, the winner of our giveaway! And thank you to all of you who participated in the giveaway, as well as, a special “thank you” to Sheila who wrote such an amazing article for us and generously provided a book for our giveaway!

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Joining with  Works for Me Wednesday, Marriage, Motherhood and MissionsTo Love Honor and Vacuum, Whimsical Wednesday and Wholehearted Wednesday

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Comments

  1. Sheila, All of your pointers provide such simple truths but when put into practice can bring strength to a marriage. Number 2 hits home in a way that reminds me of the power of prayer in all circumstances. I am not married and my former husband has passed away but I am hopeful and prayerful that if God leads me to another relationship, I will be mindful of the importance of prayer and how He should be the center of the relationship. Blessings! Mary

    • Everything must be covered in prayer, Mary. I was single for many years and prayed a full six months before even posting a profile on a Christian site where I met my Michael. Praying before we {wives} speak is another excellent practice. And speaking of practice, as you noted, when we put the tips into practice consistently we can see great change. May God lead you into all He has planned for you. Keep seeking first His kingdom…Thanks. :)

  2. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser says:

    This is a great list, and men should refer to it as well. Take respect; women need it, too. I’ve seen far too many men who deeply disrespect their wives, for instance – and show it, in public.The effect on their wives is just devastating.

    One thing I would add – no comparisons. Never compare your mate’s life or achievements with someone else’s, especially not in a negative way. (Comparison in a positive manner isn’t a great idea, either, because it does set up the “who’s better” game, and everyone loses that one somewhere.)

    Negative comparison with an ‘ex-whatever’ behind closed doors is absolutely lethal for physical intimacy. It’s something from which recovery is impossible, even with the best will in the world. That part of the relationship may be killed stone dead, or it may continue – but the feelings will never be the same.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2014/03/married-to-past-your-spouse-with-ptsd.html

  3. SimplySaidMom says:

    If I’m being honesty with myself, tips #4 & #6 are weak points for me. I’ve been praying and working hard at resolve, and I have been seeing some improvements. I’m thankful for a God whose love never fails or gives up on me! It is by His grace that I’m learning and growing each and every day.

    • It is progress not perfection that counts. God sees our hearts and knows our struggles and His compassion for us never fails. One day at a time we choose to obey God and over time we realize we are changing. So many factors — past, present and even future {the ones we worry about that never happen!} — play a role in our current challenges, but God has the perfect healing path all lined out for us. So keep following Him and I will too :)

  4. These are really helpful tips, NO. 4 can be a problem to me… but I am working hard on talking less and praying more. Thanks a lot for sharing Sheila.
    And thanks Beth for hosting us here again, I trust you are doing great. Have a super blessed day!
    Love

    • Truth be told, Ugochi, I am sure wives the world over struggle with #4 from time to time.But the more time we spend listening to HIM talk, the less we will feel compelled to force our point. God is good and He lovingly trains all of His daughters to be good wives as they surrender their hearts to Him. Thanks…

  5. I have gotten up at 3:30am to make his breakfast for about 6 years, found special food that says, “I love you” to him (nuts, M & M’s, chips, Ben & Jerry’s), left him notes in his lunch bag, and done things he asks with a purpose of building our imperfect marriage.

  6. These are all great tips Sheila! I love them all. For me Respect is what hit home the most. A lot of times I forget how much the tone of voice, attitude, facial expressions and body language can speak or not speak respect to my man. It takes a lot of intentional effort but mainly getting my heart right with God sorts it all :) Thanks for the great tips!

    • That is the key, Ngina…getting our hearts right with God. And remembering that if we mouth off to our spouse, we are mouthing off to our dear Savior :( Being intentional in loving well is spot on. Thanks for adding your comments. Blessings…

  7. I just want to say that I really love your tips here, Sheila! They are “spot on” and a great reminder because I sometimes {Whoops!} all the time like to be that “jackhammer” in my husband’s life! ha! Yes, remembering that God is doing the drilling as I submit to Him and to my hubby are just the reminders I need! And thank you so much for helping me out, giving away this fantastic book and being the sweet and supportive friend that you have been all these months and perhaps years of knowing you, my friend! By the way, I may be commenting, but I’m not entering the giveaway! We’ll leave that blessing to the others here in the comment section! :)

  8. Kristi B says:

    I would like to think I’m my husband’s helper but I know that i am a hinderance to him at times. I enjoyed reading this post…and am good a some of the suggestions but need to be better at some as well…thank you for taking the time to blog…!!

    • You are welcome, Kristi. Most likely all wives everywhere need to be better at some if not all. And so long as we keep pressing into Jesus and wanting to please Him with the million choices we make each day, we will get better! Thanks.

  9. My husband has, more than once, said that he would like more respect from me. I never quite put my finger on it until you said “tone of voice, body language”. That would be my downfall. Thanks for making that clear to me!

  10. Marie Steinhardt says:

    Thank you for the great post Sheila. I know that at times, I’m more of a hindrance than a help in regard to my marriage. I bring out that verbal jackhammer on more occasions than I care to admit! The use of the verbal jackhammer then leads to disrespect and I then have quite a mess going! It takes a lot of conviction and apologizing that could be avoided if I’d leave that darned jackhammer in the closet! Thankful for a loving God and forgiving husband!

    • You’re welcome, Marie. Glad it is an encouragement to you. In my first marriage I was a terrible jackhammer and my former spouse was very forgiving time and time again…until the day he walked out. For me, understanding how tenderly God loves me and wants me to love others has helped me tame my tongue. Blessings in your journey…

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